D'oh!

Do you see a pattern here?

Fwd: [Fwd: Fwd: Fw: [Fw:

Oh, and clean up your forwarded emails before you send them to me! Here's how you do it:

1) Select the text of the joke.
2) Copy it.
3) Open a new email.
4) Paste the joke into it.
5) Give it a subject title.
6) send it.

There. Now you have no excuses. If you don't know how to do any of the above steps, then I'm sorry, we have to take your computer away from you.
Oh, and just skip me if you have some sort of lame ass prayer wheel bullshit. Instead of spreading love, it will actually make me hate you a little more than I used to.

J-Lo and... that... guy!

Who gives a flying fuck about Jennifer Lopez and that fugly guy she married? Well, except for gay men and teenage girls. Quit clogging up the air waves with this shit. I have cartoons to watch! I mean seriously, he didn't just get hit with an ugly stick, he got run over by an ugly logging truck.

Hey Girls! We Need Some Help.

Vote Liberal and I'll Strip. I think this is could work here in America. We just need the right girls to help. Anyone? We'll definitely get some Republicans to vote against Bush if some small boys help too.

Disclaimer: All boys must be at least 18 to participate, but you must look no older than 15 in order to get the Republican vote.

Knitting and Blogs?

This isn't going to be a rant. As a matter of fact I've enjoyed many of the blogs I'm about to speak of. What the fuck is the deal with the disproportionate amount of knitting blogs? I haven't happened upon any that ONLY write about knitting, but many of the blogs I run into have at least a small portion dedicated to this old lady's pastime. Why is that? Are knitters early adopters of technology by nature? Or do writers just need something else to do with their hands? I don't get it.

1911-2004

Wow! Watching the old tapes of Reagan speeches really drives home what a bad speaker and idiot our current president is. I also watched a speech by Bill Clinton on his new book today. He talked about political history for most of it. You may think he was a bad President because he got a hummer in the Whitehouse, but that fucker knows his shit! I imagined Bush listening to Clinton with his mouth half open and a soggy pretzel stuck to his lower lip.

Fake Priests Kill Three

The full title if the story is Gun-Wielding Fake Priests Kill Three. All the evidence seems to point to this being an organized crime murder in Bulgaria, but it seems like something a few real priests in our country might do. I mean, it's just a few jumps up the crime ladder from fucking young boys, right? Most criminals start small. We must put our foot down before the priests drag this country to hell!