Get It? Got It? Good!

Blogging

2009-05-05T07:58:00.000-07:00

So... This blog has become a blog about how I don't blog here anymore. Sweet!

Remember When I Used To Blog?

2007-05-23T14:54:00.000-07:00

Muther Fuck! Is this thing still on??? Every six months or so I remember about this thing and stop by to reminisce about the days when I wrote brilliant prose on this very blog. It was a magical day. Oh, that's right I totally suck as a writer and if it weren't for the built in spell check in my awesome operating system, I would look like a ten year old. Annnnyway, why are yo still watching those shitty "reality" shows on television? If I hear one more adult that I assumed was smarter than a bag of rocks talk about American Idol I'm going to punch him in the throat! And don't get me started on Dancing With The Stars which just proves that gays have taken over television... Not that there's anything wrong with that. I have a gay friend..., uh, and I used to know a black kid in elementary school... I' AM NOT A RACIST!!!

That is all! Go take a nap.

Livingston Volkswagen or Volkswagon? Who cares?!

2006-05-11T10:40:00.000-07:00

OK, I just noticed that I get a few hits here from my misspelling of Volkswagon in a previous post. So, since there are a few people reading this looking for info on Livingston Volkswagen in Woodland Hills, California. I'll tell my final story about those dicks.

This year I FINALLY got to turn in my leased Passat Wagon to Livingston Volkswagen in Woodland Hills (repeated ad nauseam for better search results). Here's the deal. When I leased the car, it was used. There was a small dent on the right rear fender and after MUCH haggling, they leased it to me as is at a lower rate. The idea was that they wouldn't have to fix the dent and neither would I if I didn't feel like it. Just return it the way I took it. Sounds great right?

Well, after four years and many problems (with the car and their horrible service department) I had the car inspected and returned it to the dealership. I was expecting them to pull out the old paperwork so they could see that the dent was there when I got it and we could take that charge off of the inspection sheet so I wouldn't have to pay for it. One convenient problem though. NO RECORD OF THE DAMAGE! You're kidding me, right? Nope.

It seems that the fine folks at Livingston Volkswagon (Volkswagen) in Woodland Hills, California never kept a record of the damage even though we haggled about it for six hours the night I leased the car. How convenient is that for them. Now, this is just my educated opinion, but I think those fuckers are shady over there. My opinion. Really, did I mention that this is my opinion?

So, of course The dealership is connected in no way with Volkswagen themselves so it's easier for both of them to tell you that you have to take it up with the other. That was fun too. The dealership says, take it up with Volkswagen and Volkswagen tells you to talk to the dealer.

So add to the damage and a few small charges like my stolen owners manual and the broken mirror adjustment knob (a total pice of shit that had to be made so it would break) the $200 return fee? and my bill to give them thier car back was just under $600.

Oh, did I mention that I returned the car 17,000 miles UNDER the alloted milage I paid for? They don't care about that. SO if you lease a car from Livingston Volkswagon (Volkswagen) in Woodland Hills, California, and I STRONGLY advise against it, make sure you drop it off with no gas and all the milage used up. You may as well get something out of all the shitty service you're going to endure throughout the life of your lease.

Cheers!

Wow!

2005-06-29T16:16:00.000-07:00

I really haven't updated this piece of shit in a long time. I only have one thing to say. That Ricardo fuck on the show Kept? What an asshole that guy was huh? I'd like to shake his hand... with a fucking garbage disposal.

It's the Time of the Year for Crack!

2005-03-11T23:41:00.000-08:00

I just want to let everyone know that I have yet to eat ONE Girl Scout Cookie this year. I'll also let you know that it's not because I don't have access. There are four boxes in my house and I refuse to eat any. The Girl Scouts are fine the rest of the year, but this time of year they are pure fucking evil.

Mr. T Starter Kit... For Your Car.

2005-01-31T13:08:00.000-08:00

I'll keep this short and to the point. I would like to announce the official age when you should stop hanging shit from your rearview mirror. 22. You heard me asshole, 22. I realize that at 22 you are still a stupid kid and you're still partying and trying to "hookup," but it's time for you to grow up and this is just the kind of thing to get you started. All those plastic Mardi Gras beads and your Saint Christopher medallion make you look like an idiot. Besides that, it's unsafe. I think the car manufacturers should use weaker glue so that when all the shit hanging from your mirror gets to a certain weight, the mirror falls off and it costs you $500 at the dealer to get it fixed. Grow up and take that shit down! That goes for the fifteen bumper stickers too. You know, the ones that inform us on what shitty music you're probably listening to right now? Yes those. Ok, so that wasn't short, nor to the point. Fuck you.

$1400 to Smog My Car

2005-01-27T13:57:00.000-08:00

Can I just say that Livingston Volkswagon in Woodland Hills, California sucks cock? They told me two days ago that my car was a 4 or 5 hour job, and here I am still waiting for a phone call. I've called them three or four times asking what's up and all I get is "Uh, there's a technician working on it right now, we'll call you when we know more." Fuck! Oh, and you read that title correctly. Because of some ABS breaking computer module problem, my car is not communicating with the smog stations computer. Parts: $1000.00, Labor: $400.00. Fuck me! I'm going to loose my shit if I have one more problem with THEIR CAR! It's a lease and it's just recently out of warranty. FIX MY CAR AND GIVE IT BACK!!! And it better be washed when I pick it up you fuckers. Someone please buy me another Honda so I don't have to go through all of this shit again.

Don't Make Me Come Down There!

2005-01-10T15:13:00.000-08:00

OK, I'm sick of the rain. Can we just get one day of sunshine to break things up a bit? I would like to wear a regular pair of shoes without then getting soaked through to my socks. I know with all that's going on in the world, it's a little stupid to be complaining about a little rain... well a lot of rain, but I'm here and I've donated my share so shut up.

Speaking of rain. Some dumbass lady decided to go around a road barricade and got stuck in a flooded area. Now I would laugh at her, but she has her share of guilt that she'll have to live with for the rest of her life for that dumb mistake. See, she had her three kids in the car and you might see a little of what's coming here. Two of the kids were rescued just fine, but her two year old slipped from her grip as she was trying to hand it to rescuers. Now she's minus one child. Think of this story when you're in you big old gas guzzling SUV and you say to yourself, "I can get across that! Those barricades are for the stupid people."

Voodoo and Fraud!... ?

2005-01-07T13:10:00.000-08:00

I'm no lawyer, but I'm trying to figure out what fraud has to do with this survey by Men's Fitness Magazine.

Houston Mayor Bill White,... called the survey "mostly voodoo and fraud."

I mean, they gathered some statistics about American cities and used them to decide which ones they felt were "fattest" and "fittest." Although it wasn't very scientific, what's so fraudulent about it? So there's a bunch of fat people in Texas. Did we need a survey to tell us that? Now Voodoo, well, it's obvious that the editor of Men's Fitness is big in black magic. Just read the survey and you'll see that it's full of voodoo.

Third Place My Ass!

2005-01-06T16:49:00.000-08:00

How did this label come in third place in the annual Wacky Warning Labels contest?

A $100 third prize went to Ann Marie Taylor, of Camden, S.C., who submitted a warning from a digital thermometer that said, "Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be used orally."

I mean, the first and second prize winners were funny and all, but come on folks!

Blog Explosion

2005-01-05T23:16:00.000-08:00

I'm hoping that starting an account with Blog Explosion will motivate me to start up this blog again. I wasn't very motivated before because I had basically one reader (thanks Lar). I've been pretty pissed about stuff lately, so I'm sure I could spew some of my bile on you guys... If you don't mind that is.

I Suck

2004-12-14T21:58:00.000-08:00

Well, not literally. Wait, I can suck literally, like on a straw.... oh, fuck it. I just wanted to say that I've been a lot busy lately and haven't had a chance to update this fucker, so deal! Hey, I just updated! I've changed my mind. I rule!

Go look at THESE and stop bugging me.

Thank You Poor People!

2004-11-11T16:40:00.000-08:00

It's like those folks at The Onion can READ MINDS

Added Bush: "God bless America's backwards hicks, lunchpail-toting blockheads, doddering elderly, and bumpity-car-driving Spanish-speakers."

Brilliant! I know it's faux news, but you gotta believe that the folks at BushCo are saying some of this stuff to each other behind closed doors. Oh, one more great faux quote:

"That's why I always vote straight-ticket Republican, just like my daddy did, before he lost the farm and shot himself in the head, and just like his daddy did, before he died of black-lung disease in the company coal mines."

Fuck The South

2004-11-09T23:01:00.000-08:00

I don't know who wrote this, but I think I'm in love.

I'm Having A Hard Time Believing This One.

2004-11-05T10:25:00.000-08:00

So, you're 38 years old and you're sitting there watching TV. When on the news comes a story about Michael Jackson's recent court troubles. It hits you! "Hey, I think he did some stuff to me twenty years ago! I was 18 and he was a big bad 24 year old and he did bad stuff to me. I want some money too!"

My Cousin Is Such A Dick!

2004-10-22T09:22:00.000-07:00

Damn! Even the family is pissed! Bush Relatives For Kerry. I fucking love this stuff.

I Love Flip Flops!

2004-10-11T09:38:00.000-07:00

THIS is a little catalog of flip flops that makes me chuckle. I love when the right criticizes Kerry by calling him a flip flopper. They seem l to love the fact that their guy never changes his mind no matter what facts come to light. Or does he?

Some people are so fucking stupid, that they should have to be tested before they are allowed to vote. I know there are many under age kids and felons that are more qualified to vote than millions of dumbasses that will be voting this November.

???

2004-10-04T16:02:00.000-07:00

I'm having a hard time figuring out the mechanics of THIS incident. Can anyone help me out here? I've never been so creeped out and puzzled at the same time.

Stoned Slackers? Not so much.

2004-09-29T10:10:00.000-07:00

We all can agree that Bill O'Reilly is a twat, right? Well, this story is a good as it gets. If you missed Jon Stewart's appearance on O'Rielly's "The O'Reilly Factor" then you missed Bill's constant joking about Jon's viewers being "stoned slackers" and that he was concerned that they were voters. So the folks over at Comedy Central decided to get Nielsen Media Research involved to see if that was true. READ THIS TO SEE THE RESULTS. I'm sure even stoned "Daily Show" viewers are still smarter than "O'Reilly Factor" viewers.

Bush vs God

2004-09-25T13:46:00.000-07:00

Now THIS is funny.

Go USA! We're #31!!!

2004-09-20T15:18:00.000-07:00

It seems that our country shouldn't be so smug about how free we are. Let's take freedom of the press as an example. Click Here. found via the Macactivist

The Israeli army's repeated abuses against journalists in the occupied territories and the US army's responsibility in the death of several reporters during the war in Iraq constitute unacceptable behaviour by two nations that never stop stressing their commitment to freedom of expression.

Breaking Records

2004-09-18T14:09:00.000-07:00

I'm going for the world record for longest stretch of time between posts.....Fuck! I have to start over now.

George Bush. The Greatest Speaker of All Time.

2004-09-07T19:14:00.002-07:00

I know that everyone is going to be talking about this story, but come on. This is some funny shit! I swear he does this on purpose. Brilliant!

"We've got an issue in America. Too many good docs are getting out of business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country."
-- George Bush

Have I Used "D'oh!" As A Title Yet?

2004-09-02T13:16:00.000-07:00

How can people be so fucking stupid? A $200 bill? Come on folks. Oh, not to mention:

The bill did carry a picture of President Bush, but he is not one of the presidents who appear on U.S. currency.

Found via Kamikaze Lunchbreak

Ed Schrock is a Bad Bad Boy!

2004-08-30T20:32:00.000-07:00

Oh man! I love this shit! Does it get any better then when some conservative asshole of the most homophobic kind turns out to be searching for a little man love on the side? I think not!!!! READ ABOUT IT HERE! AND HERE!

Ed Schrock has a voting record that the most right wing conservative would be proud of. The Christian Coalition gave him a 92% rating in their 2003 voting guide... ...His score over at the Human Rights Campaign? ZERO!

Laziest Post Ever.

2004-08-29T22:43:00.000-07:00

Well, Duh!

Catholics Are A Funny Bunch

2004-08-26T13:32:00.000-07:00

Oh... I how I fucking love to read this stuff. It seems that the Catholics don't quite need to keep people around. They try their hardest to piss their own people off enough to leave. The reason this story is funny and not sad is because the ritual of communion is bullshit anyway. After taking communion with a rice wafer...

"I struggled with telling her that the sacrament did not happen," said Pelly-Waldman. "She lives in a world of rules. She says 'Mommy, do we want to break a rule? Are we breaking a rule?"'

Fucking brainwashed parents. This is child abuse as far as I'm concerned. Funny though.

Skills?

2004-08-19T19:51:00.000-07:00

What the fuck? Is this a real story?

"...It follows recent news stories about the military offering free plastic surgery, including breast enhancements, to soldiers and their families so military doctors can practice their skills."

What skills are we talking about here, feeling up passed out patients?

Why Los Angeles?

2004-08-06T18:12:00.000-07:00

Answers to a few questions asked at lablogs.com.

1. How long have you lived in Los Angeles?
Since August 10 1964
2. Were you born here?
Yep, Van Nuys Actually
3. How long did you plan on staying here originally?
Forever!
4. How long do you plan on staying here now?
I have no plan. I suppose the next few answers will say more.
5. What keeps you here?
Clients... and friends and family.
6. What makes you want to leave?
Traffic and... well, traffic.
7. What is your biggest suprise about living here?
No surprises. I don't really know any other way.
8. What is your biggest disappointment about living here?
That I don't really know any other way.

Ding Dong The Freak Is Dead!

2004-08-06T14:11:00.000-07:00

What took SO LONG?

Dubya Only Wants Christians On The Road

2004-08-02T20:15:00.000-07:00

OK, I'm extrapolating a little here... a little. Read THIS. OK, OK, I realize this would never happen here, but I bet there are more than a few right-wingers that would think this is a good idea. Well, not with that voodoo, fake, Middle Eastern religion in the story, but with the only true religion, Good ol' American Christianity!

If You Do The Crime...

2004-07-30T17:59:00.000-07:00

...Then shut the fuck up and pay the man. This story was of no interest to me, until I got to the lawyer's statement.
"It's our perception that this is just another example of a prominent member of the hip-hop community being made an example of."
I may be completely blind, but when the police were trying to stop Russell Simmon's wife, an asian woman in what I'm sure was a very expensive car, were they thinking she must be a part of the hip-hop community? When these FUCKING arrogant assholes break the law and then cry because they do a lot for the community in between the times they are committing crimes, I just want to punch them in the troat. Ya, that's right, "troat" with no "h."

Oh, and look at her fucking arrogant smile in the mug shot. You can almost hear her saying to herself "Cool. now I have a phat mug shot so all the homies will know I'm a G, but my big time lawyer will get me off anyway." Fucking... Ahhhhh!

Over 220lbs is NOT Chubby.

2004-07-26T11:40:00.000-07:00

We have a winner in the 2004 Miss Chicciona contest in Italy. Now I agree that modern media has a rather skewed view of what the average woman looks like, but calling this contest "Miss Chubby" is overcompensating a bit. And when I say "a bit," I mean "a lot."

Go Fuck Yourself!

2004-07-26T11:26:00.000-07:00

You know how much it sucks to leave a confrontation only to think of the perfect words after it's too late? Well, John Kerry's wife had the perfect opportunity and blew it. Instead of telling a reporter to "Shove it" she could have quoted republican darling Dick Cheney.

Women. Always Complaining.

2004-07-26T11:15:00.000-07:00

OK, I see the point HERE, but wouldn't the solution to naked men answering the door for room service be to just send a male employee up to rooms at night? No, the women see this as a good excuse to get rid of porn in hotel rooms. I mean, what else are you supposed to do in a hotel room, read? Today Norway, tomorrow the good ol' USA. Oh, and getting rid of the porn is not going to stop horny businessmen from answering the door naked, it might just make it worse.

I Fucking Hate Vlade!

2004-07-20T12:45:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't mentioned sports here yet, but this story just makes me want to puke. The Lakers have signed Vlade Divac. What? That asshole from the Sacrament Kings that we all love to hate even though he spent his first seven years in the NBA with the Lakers? Yes. That asshole from the Sacrament Kings that we all love to hate even though he spent his first seven years in the NBA with the Lakers. I will only root for the Lakers next year when Vlade is on the bench. Fuck!

Very Expensive Odor Eaters.

2004-07-19T19:11:00.000-07:00

Great idea. Terrible execution. (very short)

I'm Honored

2004-07-14T22:45:00.000-07:00

It seems that someone got here by doing a Google search for "fucked a crack whore." I'm so proud to tell you all that I am number three on Google for this search. Thank you very much. I'm hoping that this post will eventually make me number one. We can all dream can't we? Again, that's "fucked a crack whore." You know, as in "GW fucked a crack whore."
edited to help my Google ranking.

Stupid, Dirty Girl!

2004-07-10T20:23:00.000-07:00

Oh, this is so fucking classic that I just can't stand it. Everyone, please meet the former Mayor of Los Angles, Richard Riordan. We always new he was an asshole, but it seems that ol' Richard is quite the jokester too. Problem is that people usually don't get the joke when you insult a six year old girl in the process.

No one ever accused Richard Riordan of being a prisoner to political correctness, but the feisty former mayor of Los Angeles and now the state's education secretary may have outdone himself last week when he called a youngster at a book event a "stupid, dirty girl."

Brilliant Dick!

Condoms Don't Work?

2004-07-09T14:24:00.000-07:00

Well, according to our current administration anyway. Check It .

Supermodel Personals

2004-07-03T23:58:00.000-07:00

I've added a link to my sidebar that you should check out. It's called Supermodel Personals. It's well done and as an extra bonus contains some nudity. Tara takes pictures from fashion magazines and writes a personal ad for each girl. Good times! Here's a sample:

Runaway from Ohio, hoping to make it big in Hollywood. You may have seen me hanging out in the parking lots of places where famous people go, hoping to trade blow jobs for a walk-on part in Malcolm In The Middle. I'm willing to do whatever it takes because, let's face it, I can barely read and don't know how to use a computer so in a couple months I'll be doing porn anyway.

I'll let you visit the site to see the corresponding image.

Rock, Paper, Saddam!

2004-07-03T12:05:00.000-07:00

THIS made me chuckle a bit.

Saddam: TIGER HAND! RAWR!!!!! RAWRR! rar. Hahaaa, hi. Tiger Hand. Come on! You Know! ... You don't know Tiger Hand?
Tiger Hand beats paper. Like totally beats paper. Always

More Death Penalty Candidates!

2004-07-01T11:30:00.000-07:00

People that take advantage of their position to harass or hurt others are the scum of the earth.It seems that Denver has a little problem with health workers that harass or bully patients. This is just as bad as a cop fucking with you because he can. Read THIS UNBELIEVABLE STORY!

Barbie's a Whore Anyway

2004-06-30T10:54:00.000-07:00

Can we all just agree that parody is a good thing? Companies that whine about this shit piss me off. "Oh, you can't make fun of our beloved Barbie like that. Think about the children!" Well, now the time is ripe for some more fun since THIS DECISION was made in the courts.

U.S. District judge Ronald Lew, in a written ruling, said Mattel had forced Forsythe into a costly court battle.
"There was little risk of consumer confusion ... Defendant's parodic intent was clear," he wrote.

Well done Judge!

Look at My Ass!

2004-06-25T22:04:00.000-07:00

Ladies. If you buy a pair of pants with writing on the ass and wear them in public, don't give me "the look" if you catch me looking at your ass. This goes for tops that scream "Look at my tits!" No writing required for that, just wear the tightest lowest cut top possible without showing your nipples. You don't fool me with your faux attitude. You want everyone to look at you or you wouldn't wear what you wear. Slut.

Looks Like I'll Have to Steal it Then

2004-06-22T23:59:00.000-07:00

Fucking Capitol Records! I won't be buying the new Beastie Boys CD after all. [READ THIS]

Twin and Bones

2004-06-22T23:36:00.000-07:00

OK, I realize that many a blog will be filled with commentary on this story, but I have to chime in. Why do celebrities always lie when they are found out, only to end up telling the truth a few weeks or months later? It makes them look like such assholes! I mean, when everyone is mumbling that you look sick and that you probably have an eating disorder, why not just fess up and get it over with? Wow! That wasn't much of a rant was it. I'm getting polite in my old age. How's this? Fuck You Mary Kate! You lying, bingeing, purging, whore! Oh, that feels much better. I'm sure she's not a whore, but, oh shit there I go again.

Who Me? Complain?

2004-06-22T13:42:00.000-07:00

I've been in a bit of a funk lately. It's all personal and business bullshit that I just need to get under control, but it's nothing that's worth complaining about here. As soon as I get caught up, I'll have more to bitch about. I just don't have much time to scour the headlines right now. I'll definitely post something new this week though.

The Price of Design

2004-06-17T19:13:00.000-07:00

I was just looking around at a local store that sells fixtures. I really liked a door handle I was looking at and asked the salesperson how much it costs. It was very minimal and made of stainless steel. Also keep in mind that this is an interior door handle, not one of those big front door handles. I knew I was in trouble when he said "Oh, you have expensive taste!" I started thinking, "Oh shit this thing probably costs a couple hundred bucks." No such luck. Try $350.00! Holy shit, will it defeat GW if I buy it? WIll it give me a handy every time I use it? Will it make my hair start growing back? It better do something besides open a fucking door for that much money!

Better Late Than Never?

2004-06-16T10:06:00.000-07:00

What's the point in bothering now? Isn't this the most hollow gesture ever? This makes me wonder. What period in history do religious freaks harken back to when talking about the good old days? I guarantee there are more than a bunch of "Americans" that wish we could go back to the days mentioned in the article. Burn a Witch lately?

Clean Your House Once in a While.

2004-06-14T11:09:00.000-07:00

Check out this computer nightmare over at Schiesty's Blog.

…and out of the corner of my eye I noticed something moving. Yes…something is moving accross my desk.

How bad does someone's house need to get before the cockroaches have no more room left, but to take over the fucking computer?

Stop Fucking Whining!

2004-06-14T10:36:00.000-07:00

You could be Jo. This is the least of her problems and she's still kicks ass!

More Church Porn!

2004-06-13T21:09:00.000-07:00

This time it's a good thing. Finally a parish of the Catholic Church that I can get behind. Well, all except that pesky part about believing in an invisible white man in the sky. It sounds like these guys have been at odds with the Vatican for years, but now it's in writing!

"I could hear my heart beat in ecstasy before the beauty of the body offered before me. I smothered the body with the sweat of my skin,"

I especially like that one of their differences with the Vatican is that this parish "promotes more solidarity with the poor."

D'oh!

2004-06-11T11:36:00.000-07:00

Do you see a pattern here?

Fwd: [Fwd: Fwd: Fw: [Fw:

2004-06-09T20:08:00.000-07:00

Oh, and clean up your forwarded emails before you send them to me! Here's how you do it:

1) Select the text of the joke.
2) Copy it.
3) Open a new email.
4) Paste the joke into it.
5) Give it a subject title.
6) send it.

There. Now you have no excuses. If you don't know how to do any of the above steps, then I'm sorry, we have to take your computer away from you.
Oh, and just skip me if you have some sort of lame ass prayer wheel bullshit. Instead of spreading love, it will actually make me hate you a little more than I used to.

J-Lo and... that... guy!

2004-06-09T19:58:00.000-07:00

Who gives a flying fuck about Jennifer Lopez and that fugly guy she married? Well, except for gay men and teenage girls. Quit clogging up the air waves with this shit. I have cartoons to watch! I mean seriously, he didn't just get hit with an ugly stick, he got run over by an ugly logging truck.

Hey Girls! We Need Some Help.

2004-06-08T23:09:00.000-07:00

Vote Liberal and I'll Strip. I think this is could work here in America. We just need the right girls to help. Anyone? We'll definitely get some Republicans to vote against Bush if some small boys help too.

Disclaimer: All boys must be at least 18 to participate, but you must look no older than 15 in order to get the Republican vote.

Knitting and Blogs?

2004-06-07T20:23:00.000-07:00

This isn't going to be a rant. As a matter of fact I've enjoyed many of the blogs I'm about to speak of. What the fuck is the deal with the disproportionate amount of knitting blogs? I haven't happened upon any that ONLY write about knitting, but many of the blogs I run into have at least a small portion dedicated to this old lady's pastime. Why is that? Are knitters early adopters of technology by nature? Or do writers just need something else to do with their hands? I don't get it.

1911-2004

2004-06-06T10:46:00.000-07:00

Wow! Watching the old tapes of Reagan speeches really drives home what a bad speaker and idiot our current president is. I also watched a speech by Bill Clinton on his new book today. He talked about political history for most of it. You may think he was a bad President because he got a hummer in the Whitehouse, but that fucker knows his shit! I imagined Bush listening to Clinton with his mouth half open and a soggy pretzel stuck to his lower lip.

Fake Priests Kill Three

2004-06-06T10:36:00.000-07:00

The full title if the story is Gun-Wielding Fake Priests Kill Three. All the evidence seems to point to this being an organized crime murder in Bulgaria, but it seems like something a few real priests in our country might do. I mean, it's just a few jumps up the crime ladder from fucking young boys, right? Most criminals start small. We must put our foot down before the priests drag this country to hell!

You're NOT Polite. You ARE Stupid.

2004-06-04T14:36:00.000-07:00

For fucks sake. When you get to the four way stop first, go first! Stop trying to wave me through like you're the nice guy and just follow the rules of the road and fucking GO! This goes for you assholes that get there at the same time and you're on the right. You make me want to drive over to your car, get out and break off your antenna. Oh, and stay out of the fast lane on the freeway too you idiot. Some of us have places to go. We're not sight seeing. We live here.

"Nudity in public is provocative and illegal," he said.

2004-06-03T19:09:00.000-07:00

Provocative? Oh, my. We wouldn't want that! Why is it that some humans are so fucking uptight about the human body? This question has haunted me for many years now. I'm no nudist and don't walk around in my yard naked. Most people would not want to see me naked, but why is it that it's considered dirty? I'm also not alarmed or even turned on by the sight of a naked person (there are some women I would like to see naked, but that doesn't mean that I would loose control and turn into an idiot. Can't the children of Amsterdam just get a peek so they might be less likely to be sexual freaks when they grow up? Most of the religious kids I knew growing up ended up over compensating and getting into trouble when they grew up. I'll never understand people with less will power than me.

Bill Nevins is gonna be rich!

2004-06-02T22:50:00.000-07:00

OK. I read a lot of blogs and many talk about how fucking idiotic it is to have the view that not supporting the president is unpatriotic. Some people even say that not supporting our president is not supporting our troops. These people are obviously THE most stupid people on Earth. Hard to argue right? Well, here is one that will make your head snap off. (via bitter-girl) Bill Nevins of Rio Rancho High School in New Mexico was fired while he was the teacher of a poetry class and faculty advisor for the Slam Team, a group of kids that were learning poetry and performing it in front of audiences. One girl's poem was too much for the principle to take. Was it obscene? Well, that depends on what your views on criticizing Bush are. The principal Gary Tripp (related to Linda, no doubt) and his school's "Military Liason" WTF? didn't like her poem because it "criticized the war in Iraq and the Bush administration's failure to give substance to its 'No child left behind' education policy." I don't want to quote the whole thing here. YOU MUST READ IT FOR YOURSELF TO BELIEVE IT! I can't wait to see this fucker and his cronies loose this one in court. How stupid can people get?

UPDATE It seems that the original link to the story is now dead because the schools lawyers seem to have threatened the paper that printed it. I've changed it just so you can get the story from my perspective. Just in case, here are some more:
Alliance for Academic Freedom
Here is a link to a letter from the school and the girl who wrote the poem.
Something is fishy here and I'm not sure who's up to what. It seems that the teacher involved was indeed fired, but they claim it has nothing to do with the girl or her poem, but they won't tell why. They won't even tell the girl. She believes the school. hmmm.
The Agonist

A $28,000 Night at the strip club.

2004-06-01T18:18:00.000-07:00

I don't know who's telling the truth in this one, but even if this guy was over charged by three times, he still needs to buy a hooker. READ MORE. I mean come on, if you're spending over eight grand in one night at a strip club, you might want to rethink your life... or end it. Fucking idiot probably drives a Corvette.

Is this news new?

2004-06-01T18:09:00.000-07:00

No Shit! Did I miss something or didn't we already know that air pollution was bad for us? Maybe they're just telling us it's worse than we thought, but fuck (not butt fuck), is this news?

Man Commits Suicide After Sex with Hen

2004-06-01T10:35:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry to tell you that the above is a REAL headline. Read More... I don't know why he would commit suicide after getting caught by his wife. It's not like she would ever tell anyone. I mean, it doesn't bode well for your sexual prowess when your husband would rather bang a chicken.

Your favorite oxymoron!

2004-05-30T12:03:00.000-07:00

Jesus Fuck! Tillman was killed by "friendly fire." Go USA!!

Owen Wilson? Ben Afleck? Jim Carey?

2004-05-29T11:17:00.000-07:00

Look, I don't care who the anonymous blogger Rance is. If it's one of those guys, or a complete hoax, it's still a good read. if you have any interest in the inner workings of Hollywood, you might find it interesting too, even if it is complete fiction. I'm sorry that I didn't say Fuck in this post. Oh, there I said it.

Y'all should NOT question our President!

2004-05-28T12:35:00.000-07:00

Why is it when I read someone's blog, I never read it with a southern accent, unless it's one of THESE. Fucking religious hicks. She doesn't even mention the lord, but I know it's in there. It's also funny how followers of the shrub ALWAYS say we should not question or even debate our president. I'll bet every one of these mutherfuckers was sideways about Clinton getting a hummer. Clinton was a slippery little devil, but at least he wasn't giving the whole country a handjob like Bush is.

Only in Arkansas

2004-05-28T11:50:00.000-07:00

15 brainwashed kids

Seems that Michelle and Jim Bob (that's not a typo) Duggar think the lord wants them to have way too many kids. I heard them in an interview this morning and Michelle said that the kids were a gift from the lord and she wants to have more. Uh... Having kids is NOT a miracle from the lord. It's biology. Almost anyone can do it. See if your husband ejaculates in your vagina, the sperm may fertilize an egg and it may grow and be born. Get it? It's not a gift. If the worst serial killer in the world fucked a crack whore that many times, she may have 15 fucked up children too. Does your god want that? Oh, right, he would want that. Children are our future, we're so fucked! I think it's time for everyone to read this site: VHEMT

Word of the day (annual edition)

2004-05-28T11:32:00.000-07:00

pusillanimous - adj : lacking in courage and manly strength and resolution; contemptibly fear.

And you thought the word PUSSY came from a certain domesticated animal. I'm pretty sure the word was around before we started using pussy as the slang for cat, but it sounded good.

Shame on you Jaguar!

2004-05-27T23:14:00.000-07:00

"So, what might drive you wild? Could it be the touch of skin on your fingertips? A long, honed body? Firm sensuous curves? A deep, responsive purr? ... I think I have the perfect match for you. I'll send you a photograph next week."

Stop! Too Sexy!

Jaguar actually bowed to pressure from the biggest pussies on earth and said they would no longer use such language in advertising in the future. Can we agree that if you were offended by the quote above EVEN IF YOU DIDN'T GET THAT IT WAS AN AD that you are a pussy? I would hate to live in a world where the above text would do anything but make me wonder what it was about. FUCK!

Stop praying. I need to get to Newark!

2004-05-27T23:01:00.000-07:00

Praying Grounds Plane

"Your last breath on earth is the first one in heaven as long as you are born again and have Jesus in your heart,"

Uh, nice one dumbasses! Praying doesn't work. You God left you here alone and cold and he's not listening to you anymore. STOP IT! Some of us need to get places. This reminds of a time I was on a plane crossing the Pacific and some sort of priest was sitting a few seats away from me grasping his rosary and praying (mumbling) for hours on end. I wanted to shove his ass down the airplane's toilet.

Let's get a few things straight.

2004-05-27T21:18:00.000-07:00

OK, first off I would like to say that George W. Bush is an idiot. I realize that this is not news to any of you, but I just had to get that off my chest so no one asks me what I think of him. Second, I'm not too sure about Kerry either, so stop calling my a liberal, you fucking religious nut. Third, I'm an atheist, but you can go ahead and worship the easter bunny all you want, it doesn't effect me unless you're a legislator. That might effect me, so stop believing in an invisible man so we can all live in peace. Religion is what is wrong with the world and if you don't believe me, then open your eyes and read a paper. And don't give me that shit about how YOUR religion is different, because is isn't. YOU may be different, but that's just because you might happen to have a little common sense to guide you in the war of right and wrong. If you didn't have religion, you would still have the same morals. Throw away the crutch. You don't need it. Ok... What's next?

NOW! The annonymous version.

2004-05-27T14:53:00.000-07:00

OK, I'm sick of posting to my regular blog and having to watch what I say just in case someone I know or love is reading. Now I can say what I want, and you can't stop me (not that you would want to stop me).